Wow, I am so lax at blogging. No real excuse, just haven't blogged in a while. However, I finally have something I want to share. I took a stab at writing the English text for our Ketubah (the Jewish wedding contract). The fiancee liked it so much (except for one part which was a personal joke and thus edited out) that we are getting it translated into Hebrew by the worlds foremost Hebraic scholars as our official document. It's so awesome, I wanted to share. So here it is:
On the 13th day of November, 2011, corresponding to the 16th day of Chesvan, in the year 5772, also known as the 47th day of Karagah, in the year 9837373 on the Klingon calendar, the groom, Joshua Michael Crapbag, son of Peter Charles Crapbag and Michelle Wendy Crapbag, and the bride, Princess Consuela Bananahammock, daughter of Lord Evan Bananahammock and Lady Susan Greenberg, entered into the "sacred" tradition of mattress money before a whole room of people and some sort of yet to be decided upon deity. Other things also probably happened that day, but this one seemed the most important to all parties previously mentioned, so we wrote this document up to prove it. The bride and groom both love each other very much and just felt this was the right direction to go seeing as how neither really wanted to enter into a house of 100% sin (they prefer their house to be of 80% sin or less). Also they wanted everything to be as cutesy as possible so their friend Sharon would puke all over the place. Although their love shines brightly, they still plan on using electricity to light their path, since their love luminescence is merely metaphorical, and electrical light is theoretically real. They will forever accept cash gifts from those interested.
On the 13th day of November, 2011, corresponding to the 16th day of Chesvan, in the year 5772, also known as the 47th day of Karagah, in the year 9837373 on the Klingon calendar, the groom, Joshua Michael Crapbag, son of Peter Charles Crapbag and Michelle Wendy Crapbag, and the bride, Princess Consuela Bananahammock, daughter of Lord Evan Bananahammock and Lady Susan Greenberg, entered into the "sacred" tradition of mattress money before a whole room of people and some sort of yet to be decided upon deity. Other things also probably happened that day, but this one seemed the most important to all parties previously mentioned, so we wrote this document up to prove it. The bride and groom both love each other very much and just felt this was the right direction to go seeing as how neither really wanted to enter into a house of 100% sin (they prefer their house to be of 80% sin or less). Also they wanted everything to be as cutesy as possible so their friend Sharon would puke all over the place. Although their love shines brightly, they still plan on using electricity to light their path, since their love luminescence is merely metaphorical, and electrical light is theoretically real. They will forever accept cash gifts from those interested.
1 Comment-Oh's:
I am so glad you can't translate this yourself/thanks for cracking me up/tough luck using this on our wedding day :-)
Love
The Fiancee
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